Uninvited
by Desbelleschoses
Summary: Ed can't find Roy, and the colonel doesn't make his life any easier when he finally does.


Ed crumpled the piece of paper in his pocket, fuming. Of course, that bastard was never where he was supposed to be. All he needed was a signature, one scribble on a dotted line. He had already gone through the trouble of actually writing the letter _for_ him. Dammit, this was supposed to be a quick trip!

The military had placed a hold on his discretionary fund, citing his frequent, large payments to a certain "Rockbell Automail." The teller at the bank had the audacity to suggest that he was committing fraud. Ed grit his teeth, stopping only because the noise made his skin crawl. All of his funds were frozen; he had twenty cens in his pocket, a stick of gum, and nowhere to stay.

Al was still being repaired back in Risembool; Winry had insisted that Al's armor needed a thorough cleaning and oiling. Ed hadn't seen any signs of rust on his brother, but he knew better than to argue. So he'd made the trip back to central all on his own, wishing for company. As soon as he hopped off the train, he ran to Central Command, but the doors to the colonel's office were locked.

"Sorry, Ed. Not even Lieutenant Hawkeye works late on Fridays." Maes Hughes had given him a remorseful smile after finding him tugging at the doors. "They'd all had a pretty rough week. Should I give the colonel a call?"

Ed huffed. "No, he probably wouldn't answer, the lazy son of a bitch."

Maes chuckled, unable to argue. Calls from work never got answered. "What do you need him for?"

"I need a CO to sign this stupid piece of paper so they'll give me my money."

"You know, you could always just leave it with Hawkeye. I'm sure she'd be happy to make sure it's seen to."

Ed arched his eyebrows. Why hadn't he thought of that? Of course, the lieutenant was more reliable than her commanding officer. Even if he had given the paper to the colonel, he wouldn't be surprised if it ended up lost. "Thanks, Hughes!" He had already started running off down the hallway.

"Do you need a place to stay tonight?" Maes called after him, hoping he was still in earshot.

Ed lifted his arm above his head and gave a thumbs-up. Not entirely sure what that meant, Maes set off to find a phone to tell his wife that they would – maybe? – have a guest.

* * *

As he walked, Ed attempted to smooth out the creases in his letter, regretting that he had balled it up earlier. He had plans on throwing it at the idiot colonel's head, but the lieutenant didn't deserve that. Had he thought about bringing it to her earlier, he probably would have sat down and rewrote the letter in the first place. Well, what was done was done. He paused and held the letter against the wall of the apartment building as he ran his automail forearm over the paper. Satisfied that the paper would at least stay straight, he shuffled down the hallway, reading the numbers on the wall as he went.

He'd never admit it, but he relied heavily on pneumonic devices to remember essential information. _Riza Hawkeye. RH. Rhodium, number 45. Weight 102.91. Round it up._ Ed stopped in front of apartment 103, mentally double-checking himself. This was it, right? The building only had three floors, so it couldn't be 450, and 045 didn't exist. Was it 291? Was he supposed to round that up to 300? Damn it, he knew the connection was weak.

Worst case scenario, he'd be knocking on plenty of doors. He might as well get started. He raised his hand and rapped his knuckles against door 103. Excited barking came from the other side, and Ed breathed a sigh of relief. While he didn't know if the dog was Black Hayate, its presence increased the odds that he was at the right apartment.

The instant the door opened, Ed fell back against the floor. His arms flew up instinctively to cover his face. "Hayate!" Ed exclaimed, trying to fight off the dog's loving attack.

A sharp whistle caught the puppy's attention, and it obediently jumped back off the alchemist. Ed sat up and narrowed his eyes, but the dog just grinned and wagged his tail as he sat in the doorway. He used his hands to push himself back onto his feet before indignantly brushing himself off. "Thanks."

"Never thought I'd hear that from you, Fullmetal."

Ed's head snapped up so quickly that he strained a muscle in his neck. There he was, that smug jackass. Colonel Roy Mustang stood in the doorway, barefoot and clad only in a pair of loosely-tied, grey sweatpants. He was too focused on pulling a dog treat from the jar beside the door to notice the death-stare Ed had pinned him with. Hayate jumped up and put his paws against the colonel's thigh, barking excitedly. Roy handed the puppy his biscuit and scratched his head; Ed knew that the lieutenant would never reward that type of behavior. The lieutenant…

Before he could stop himself, Ed blurted "What the fuck are you doing?"

Roy couldn't hide his surprise at the outburst. "What does it look like I'm doing?" he retorted, crossing his arms over his chest. Damn, all he did was give the dog a bone. Riza would be pissed that he rewarded him for jumping on Ed, but, come on, it was the runt.

Ed stammered, not sure what to say. It wasn't one of his finer moments when he extended his arm and pointed at his commanding officer. "You don't live here!"

Roy blinked, arching his eyebrows. No shit, he didn't live here. His townhouse was on the other side of the city, much closer to Central Command. Ed knew that. "No, I don't…" Roy stated the obvious, trying to figure out why the kid looked so damned angry.

"Where's the lieutenant?!"

Oh, so _that_ was it. The colonel bit back a snicker and fought to keep his amusement hidden. Of course. Ed was attached to Riza since they'd met. It made sense that the boys would look to her as a maternal figure. But Roy Mustang wasn't too big a person not to screw around because of that. He made a show of looking over his shoulder and into the apartment before declaring "She's busy."

Ed bristled. The lieutenant was too smart to let herself get mixed up with the colonel. Wasn't she? She was smart, caring, beautiful, straightforward, and gentle. The colonel was just… the colonel. As he thought, Ed glared at Roy, the gears clearly turning in his head.

Roy let him stew for a minute before asking "Did you need something, Fullmetal?"

Ed sapped back to reality. "I want to see her."

After glancing at the clock on the wall, Roy shook his head. "It's ten o'clock on a Friday night, Elric. Not exactly the time for a social call."

"You're right." Ed's admission took Roy aback. Without skipping a beat, the kid continued, "I'll leave when you do. We don't want to be rude."

"Just go home, Fullmetal."

"No."

Roy couldn't believe the balls on this runt! If anyone else had said that, he would have assumed they were joking. "What the hell do you mean 'no?'"

"I mean what I said, jackass. And would you put on a damned shirt?!"

Astounded at the insubordination, Roy grabbed the doorknob and quickly shut the front door. His progress was impeded when Ed stuck his automail foot in the way. "Oh, for the love of…" He opened the door again. "What do you _want?_ "

Ed had had enough. He forced himself through the doorway, past Roy and into the small living room. Discarded boxes of Xingese food sat on the coffee table.

Roy gaped at the pipsqueak. "You can't just-"

"Hey, Lieutenant Hawkeye!" Ed called into the apartment, ignoring Roy completely. "Some asshole broke into your apartment!"

"You realize… you just…" Roy spoke to himself, astounded at Ed's complete lack of situational awareness. It was a miracle that someone hadn't killed him yet.

Riza quickly appeared in the doorway to her bedroom. She had wrapped herself tightly in a bathrobe, her hair dripping onto the absorbent material. In her right hand, she held a pistol. She faltered when she made eye-contact with a very surprised Edward Elric. "Ed?" She turned the safety back on and put her pistol on top of her dresser. She pulled the collar of her robe closer together as she asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I… uh?"

"Is everything alright?" Riza asked, genuinely concerned. When he didn't respond, she looked over his shoulder at Roy, who had turned his back on them, his shoulders shaking as he laughed silently into his hand.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." Ed looked down and away, suddenly fascinated by the pattern on her decorative rug. "Are you?"

"Am I…?" Riza repeated, quickly understanding the situation. "Colonel," she snapped, earning his immediate attention. "I think your shirt's probably dry by now, don't you? Why don't you go get it?"

Roy knew better than to argue. "Right, okay." He coughed nervously before walking out into the hall, completely forgetting to put on shoes before heading to the laundry room.

Riza sat down on her couch and motioned for Ed to do the same. "What are you doing here?" she asked, her tone far less accusatory than Roy's had been.

"I need the colonel to sign this," Ed admitted, handing her the letter. Riza scanned it, getting the gist of his situation. "Lieutenant?" he asked hesitantly. "You… the colonel…?" He didn't know how to word what he wanted to know.

"He came over for dinner and spilled his takeout down the front of his shirt," Riza explained in a matter-of-fact tone. "What did he tell you?"

"Well, nothing, really. I just…"

"Listen, Edward. It's very sweet that you're so protective of me, but sometimes you have to trust that I can handle myself." Riza reached out and gave his hand a squeeze. "There's nothing wrong with the colonel having dinner and watching a movie here, just like there's nothing wrong with me inviting Lieutenant Havoc over."

"So… you're not…"

"There's nothing at all for you to worry about," she reassured him. "I trust my comrades. At the end of the day, they're your comrades, too."

Ed made a face but didn't protest.

"And, besides, you know I'd shoot any of them if I thought I was in danger."

At that, Ed cracked a smile. "Yeah, I know."

Riza patted his hand affectionately. "Sweet boy." She stood up and walked back into her bedroom, turning back once she thought of something. "Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Let the colonel back in before you go. He left his wallet and shoes."

Ed grinned deviously. "Don't worry about it. I'll bring them to him."

"Edward-"

"No trouble at all, lieutenant! I'll see you on Monday!" Ed called behind him as he snatched Roy's things, running out the door. When the door clicked shut, Riza sighed. So much for finishing her shower…


End file.
